Adolescence is a Balancing Act

Adolescence is a balancing act. Teenagers are taking on more responsibility yet they still need their parents for support and guidance.

Friendships are more important and more complicated. They are thinking about their identity. Their self-worth. Their future.

They feel pressure to get the grades and build their resumes because college is not far away. Many teenagers feel they need to excel in academics, sports or both. At the same time, they try to make all of this excellence look effortless. There is also a constant message from social media that they’ve missed out. That they should do more and be more.

It’s not surprising that a rising number of teenagers are struggling with anxiety and depression. I see stressed out teenagers and parents everyday. In counseling, we look at the negative thinking that creates more anxiety. We talk about comparing with others and focusing on their own journey. We work on understanding anxiety and how it affects our minds and our bodies. Teenagers develop awareness of their stress, signs that they are starting to reach their limit. They learn skills to manage their fight or flight response through breathing techniques and visualizations.

In counseling, we also talk a lot about relationships. Teenagers learn how to handle conflict and how to set boundaries. They learn how to communicate with parents and teachers in a way that is respectful to everyone, so they can be heard.

We live in an area where there is an abundance of opportunity and wealth. It’s easy for teenagers (and all of us) to get into a scarcity mindset. They look at their friends’ cars and travel plans and begin to feel that they are missing out. In counseling, we focus on gratitude for who they are and what they have. We work on developing gratitude through the way we talk, the way we think, and what we choose to focus on.

It’s easy for teenagers to shame themselves when they aren’t doing well at school or having trouble with friends. Research shows us that people who shame themselves rarely change. One of life’s greatest lessons is that failure is part of every great success story. One of the most important skills in life is resilience. Together, we discuss how we can learn from our mistakes, and try again.

The aim of counseling is to slow down and find perspective. To let go of what they think they should be doing and what their friends are doing. To allow them to discover their own direction and values.